For many couples, they become exhausted searching for solutions that will turn the relationship around. Eventually, couples become open to therapy to help sort out the difficult situations they are experiencing. On average, couples wait 6 to 7 years after issues start to seek support. Many broad perceptions exist in why one or both individuals hold out from seeking support through couple’s therapy.
For example, one perception, is that they are going to have a third party intervene to declare who the winner is! If you perceive that you are on the losing end of the argument, then why would you take part? Another perception, primarily driven by men, is they are going to have to “talk about” their feelings and that is uncomfortable! Being uncomfortable, in a healthy way, is good. It is a sign that change is occurring and that’s what couples want – healthy change.
One perception that I don’t commonly hear is that couples therapy can be FUN!
I often hear from couples “We don’t have fun anymore” or “We do the same things and I’m bored.” For many couples, after the excitement of the relationship has worn off or the kids have worn them down, an unsettling situation creeps in – ROUTINE. While routine can be safe and comfortable within a relationship the paradox is that it also ushers in an all to common predicament within the relationship.
Couples begin to feel as though one another has lost interest, spontaneity is absent, sense of adventure is gone, the kids have taken over, one or both has become too serious, or their friends or hobbies are more important, etc.
In instances such as “We don’t have fun anymore” the focus doesn’t have to be on why the other person is ruining the relationship. The focus of couple’s therapy does not have to be about unpacking years of baggage. Rather, the focus can be building more healthy strategies and ideas around having fun as a couple. When a couple is in the “grind” of day-to-day it does become challenging to see opportunities to be creative, get excited, be spontaneous, or allow yourself space to be fun again…
Couples therapy can be fun, creative, and enable both individuals in a relationship the space to inject new ideas, explore unspoken fantasies, make space to be silly, and build new routines that connect each other rather than push each other apart. If your goal, as a couple, is to have fun again then focus on finding ways to do just that.
Here are a few examples of FUN ideas that have come out of FUN couple’s therapy sessions and don’t require you to leave the house!
If you find yourself stuck in the mud within your relationship and you’re searching for a way to re-boot the fun, excitement, and energy then consider couples therapy. It’s not just about feelings. It’s also about letting go and having some FUN!
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