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Three Ingredients to NOURISH Your Relationship...

Often, I hear from couples that a major obstacle for them is how busy they are and the lack of time they have for their relationship. While time may be an obstacle, it's not that steep of an obstacle to overcome if you sprinkle in the following three ingredients.

Try these...

Ask your partner for a FAVOR!

When you need something from your partner, instead of telling them to do something, barking orders, or passively inferring that you can't get to something.

The benefits from this practice has ties to "The Franklin Effect" and calls upon the theory of cognitive bias and dissonance. Click the link to watch a short video about it.

By practicing asking a partner or a friend for "a favor" you may find that your partner and/or others will execute that request more often than when you direct them to do something.

You can read more about "The Franklin Effect" here...Link: "The Franklin Effect"


Another practice that you can implement that takes little to no time is...


Research has demonstrated that expressing gratitude by saying "thank you" has a tremendous impact on the relationship. Both short term and long term. Read more here "Saying Thank You"

By intentionally focusing on looking for thoughtful, meaningful, or supportive actions that our partner has done and acknowledging those it is one more action that does not take a considerable amount of time.

The act of providing healthy reinforcement often translates into the behavior being repeated. It conveys that one's effort has been seen and acknowledged. Read more: Thank Your Partner More

Please note, the key to this practice also requires some constraints. Don't qualify it, don't add a "but", don't attach conditions, don't rationalize it, just don't...

Just simply say THANK YOU...


Finally, a third action you can work into your busy schedule is...

CELEBRATE victories...

This may leave you scratching your head. Depending on the family system, ideology, culture, or previous partnerships it may have been conveyed that "everyone doesn't get a trophy" for simply doing the laundry, going to work, mowing the lawn, raising kids, making dinner, putting the seat down, etc.

Well, that is true. This life we navigate demands a lot. With that said, it takes effort to persevere and show up every day with the energy to get after it again. Without recognition and reinforcement eventually a person begins to ask, is the effort worth it?

The ritual of celebrating both big and small activities, events, or occasions is vital to one's mental health. There are enough obstacles in one's day-to-day life that a little bit of recognition will go a long way. WIthout it...Why would you keep doing it? Read more: Why You and Your Partner Should Celebrate

How do you start? Much like saying "Thank you" - When you see it..Say it!

If you can visualize two jars. One jar is filled with 100 dollar bills that represent major holidays, birthdays, occasions that you "normally" celebrate and invest your time and energy in taking part in.

While the other jar is empty...That jar represents the potential missed penny's laying all around the relationship that you can pick up and begin to fill the jar with by simply celebrating the effort of your partner.

The Gottman's would call this "Making Deposits..." Read more: Invest In Your Relationship

It can feel great to make the large deposits once in a while, they can give a big boost to the relationship..Although, why wait?

Make deposits every day by celebrating each other's efforts. There's plenty of penny's laying around..

Now, go find them!