Remember your wedding day? For many it was the greatest day of your partnership. Aside from possibly the bridesmaid who was slightly too needy, the over controlling wedding coordinator, or the groomsmen who decided to drink a bit too much and deliver a speech during the toast that was slightly too long and inappropriate. Despite the quirks, the day was awesome!
After the honeymoon the good times were abundant. Weekly date night and even cuddle time in the morning were a constant. Barbecues, dinner with friends, working out, and spontaneously saying “YES” to things were the norm.
Fast forward a few years, add a child, or two, or “surprise” even a third, and then, include the house you decided to purchase, a new car, then a bigger car, and then, include one or two student loans, and for good measure, let’s include the family dog! How things can change quickly.
Eventually, the weekly date night disappeared, and in its place, came the nightly feeding, morning dog walk, and constant sleep deprivation. Work became more stressful and demanding, if kids are involved, they became even more expensive due to childcare, $2000 a month for pre-school!! Really??
The excitement and joy from the honeymoon may feel like a lifetime ago due to the pace that life sweeps you up and takes you on. But with that said, it doesn’t mean you should give up and adopt the belief that you can’t fight for it. Your relationship is worth it!
Many occasions I work with couples who are both exhausted and just feel like throwing their arms up and conceding they can’t do it. It’s very common that a couple will openly laugh at me when I ask, “how often do you get to spend alone time together?” The idea of being together for fun and/or even intimately has become a distant memory or even a far-off dream.
An urban legend exists that the second time around is never as good as the first time you experience something, but I believe you must turn a blind eye to that and fight for it. Your relationship is worth it!
In an effort to live the honeymoon experience over and over again. I work with couples to implement 3 habits into their monthly routine.
Get dressed up for one another!
It becomes all too common for couples to see each other in Lululemon pants, or sweats, a hat, and that college t-shirt day after day. It’s important for partners to see and experience one another as they did when they were “chasing each other” in the beginning. The suggestion to get dressed up doesn’t mean that you must rent a tux and put on a long flowing gown. If you have it and want to, go for it! What the suggestion implies is that both partners should share with the other what outfit gets them excited and brings about that “tingling” feeling inside!
Have your cake and eat it too!
Your wedding involved a special moment where you honored one another with the first bite together. Don’t let that memory drift away. The first bite during your wedding does not have to be the last. Make it a ritual each month that you take turns baking or buying a new desert each month that you share and celebrate each other. Visit a new bakery, try something new on the menu, pick something that is a surprise and delight for the both of you.
Schedule a monthly honeymoon!
While your favorite pub or restaurant is “nice” when you get a chance to slip away, it can start to become “just another night.” To keep experiences memorable, you should also schedule somewhere new into your plans. For many, the honeymoon was somewhere new, exciting, and adventurous. You can re-live the excitement on a local level, within a budget, and you can find new and exciting places to experience together. Give yourself permission to celebrate each other and your partnership each month!
By attempting and adopting these three habits many couples find opportunities to re-experience one another as they remember when the magic originally began. Don’t let the magic of your partnership become a distant memory. Your relationship is worth it!