Do you enjoy what you’re doing? Right now, in a few seconds, maybe in a couple hours, or what about tomorrow, or the next day, or this weekend…
Why are you doing what you’re doing?
Do you get excited and then over time things fizzle out?
Furthermore, are you motivated to do what you’re doing? Do you like it? Was it you’re idea? Or, is there pressure from others to do what you’re doing?
Frequently, I sit with clients who speak of feeling “empty” or “UN-motivated” or several other labels which commonly lead back to some form of unhealthy self-talk. E.g., “I suck…” or “I’m lazy…”
To combat the unhealthy self-talk, I walk my clients through a 4 ½ step dance with themselves which involves cultivating self-awareness, orchestrating a healthy narrative, challenging their own self-talk, and working with them to light their own fire of motivation…
I’m going to leave the “1/2” part of my 4 ½ steps until the end…
The first step begins with cultivating your PURPOSE. What is the WHY behind you and your efforts? If you cannot articulate the WHY behind what you are doing, then stop what you’re doing and flush that out. Don’t skip ahead, don’t pass go, and don’t assume someone else will tell you the WHY…
You need to understand your WHY to be involved, to act, to stick with it, etc. If you don’t know WHY you are doing what you are doing, then the excitement will wear off quickly and most likely you will find yourself back to a familiar place. Feeling empty or UN-motivated.
The next step involves the OUTCOME. What do you want? How do you want the narrative to unfold? If you are the director of the movie, skip ahead, write the ending, and then reverse engineer how the story plays out to match up to your ending. Don’t compromise the ending – it is your OUTCOME. Yes, there can be plot turns and unexpected surprises, although when it all comes together in the end.
Remember, it’s your OUTCOME.
Every happy ending has OBSTACLES, otherwise, the journey within the story wouldn’t keep you glued to your seat and capture your attention. The biggest OBSTACLE is usually the person in the mirror – us. In this process, we need to have the curiosity to look inward, the compassion to be kind to ourselves, and the courage to ask ourselves – HOW AM I HOLDING MYSELF BACK?
HOW DO YOU GET IN YOUR OWN WAY and how are you going to get out of your own way?
The final step is a pivot point. We can step forward or maybe pause and take a step back. That is determined by understanding how much FIGHT do you have?
Are you willing to FIGHT for it - get after it? Do you want to stick with what you’re doing? Can you see it through? Does it feel rewarding or worthwhile? Is it enjoyable? There’s a delicate balance of intrinsic and extrinsic motivators that will always be involved. Although, If you don’t “feel” the FIGHT reverberate inside of you then stop yourself from doing what you’re doing.
If you don’t want to FIGHT for it or get after it or you’ve identified there’s no reward in it for you then maybe you need to take pause, step back, and re-visit the first step.
Flush out what your PURPOSE is...
The final ½ step is something that can and should be involved through-out the entire process. HOPE!
HOPE is fundamental to believing we have the power to do, overcome, go around, go through, accomplish, persevere, or complete what we set out to do. While we may have some challenges to the plot of our story, we may even get in our own way, or find that we need to pause, re-calibrate, and start again.
We need to involve a ½ step of HOPE in every move we make…
If you find that you’re in a dance with yourself, career, partner, or other circumstances that starts out exciting, then fizzles over time, and you want to find a way to have passion and purpose. Let’s talk!